43 Things to Look for in a Future Christian Mate!
Faith and Spiritual Character
☐ 1. A genuine relationship with God — not just a Christian label.
☐ 2. A desire to grow spiritually rather than believing they already know everything.
☐ 3. Respect for Scripture and a willingness to apply biblical principles to life.
☐ 4. A personal prayer life rather than depending on someone else for their spiritual growth.
☐ 5. Integrity — they are the same person privately that they appear to be publicly.
☐ 6. Humility — they can admit when they are wrong.
☐ 7. A teachable spirit — they are willing to learn and receive wise counsel.
☐ 8. Evidence of the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22–23)
☐ 9. A servant’s heart — they notice and care about the needs of others.
☐ 10. A willingness to forgive rather than keeping a running record of offenses.
Character and Emotional Maturity
☐ 11. Honesty, even when telling the truth is uncomfortable.
☐ 12. Self-control with anger, sexuality, spending, substances, food, technology, and other areas of life.
☐ 13. Emotional maturity — they can experience strong emotions without allowing those emotions to control their behavior.
☐ 14. Personal responsibility — they don’t continually blame other people for their problems.
☐ 15. Reliability — when they say they will do something, they generally do it.
☐ 16. A strong work ethic and willingness to contribute.
☐ 17. Financial responsibility — not necessarily wealth, but wisdom in handling money.
☐ 18. Gratitude rather than a constant sense of entitlement.
☐ 19. Compassion toward people who cannot do anything for them.
☐ 20. Healthy confidence without arrogance.
How They Treat You
☐ 21. They respect your boundaries.
☐ 22. They listen to you, rather than simply waiting for their turn to talk.
☐ 23. You can disagree without being punished for it.
☐ 24. They encourage your God-given gifts, dreams, and abilities.
☐ 25. They don’t try to control your friendships, family relationships, clothing, activities, or decisions.
☐ 26. They make you feel emotionally safe enough to be honest.
☐ 27. They apologize sincerely when they hurt you.
☐ 28. They are willing to work through conflict instead of running away, exploding, or shutting you out.
☐ 29. They don’t use Scripture to manipulate you or win arguments.
☐ 30. They want a partnership, not someone they can dominate or someone who will carry them.
How They Live
☐ 31. They treat their family with reasonable respect, even when family relationships are complicated.
☐ 32. They treat waiters, cashiers, strangers, children, elderly people, and service workers well.
☐ 33. They have healthy friendships and can maintain relationships over time.
☐ 34. They are willing to work toward financial independence and responsibility.
☐ 35. Their lifestyle generally matches the values they claim to hold.
☐ 36. They make wise decisions about alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, and other potentially destructive behaviors.
☐ 37. They understand that marriage requires sacrifice, compromise, and commitment.
☐ 38. Your major life values are compatible — faith, children, money, family, work, lifestyle, sexuality, church involvement, and future goals.
☐ 39. You genuinely enjoy being together — friendship matters enormously in a marriage.
☐ 40. Being with them helps you become a healthier, wiser, stronger person rather than slowly losing yourself.
☐ 41. Do they react well under tension, pressure, or emergency circumstances, or do they turn ‘drama king or queen’ on you?
☐ 42. During difficult times, do they go silent or can they communicate their feelings?
☐ 43. When things don’t go their way, do they make excuses and/or play the victim?
20 Red Flags to Watch Out For
☐ 1. They claim to be Christian, but there is little evidence of faith in how they live.
☐ 2. They regularly lie, even about seemingly insignificant things.
☐ 3. They are controlling and disguise it as love, concern, protection, or “biblical leadership.”
☐ 4. They are intensely jealous or possessive.
☐ 5. They pressure you sexually or refuse to respect physical boundaries.
☐ 6. They isolate you from friends, family, mentors, or other people you trust.
☐ 7. They have explosive anger, intimidate you, threaten you, destroy things, or frighten you.
☐ 8. They belittle, mock, embarrass, insult, or repeatedly criticize you.
☐ 9. Everything is someone else’s fault.
☐ 10. They rarely apologize — or their apologies always contain an excuse: “I’m sorry, but you made me…”
☐ 11. They repeatedly break promises and expect forgiveness without changed behavior.
☐ 12. They hide significant financial problems, debt, spending, accounts, or gambling.
☐ 13. They have destructive substance use or other compulsive behavior they refuse to address.
☐ 14. They have ongoing pornography or sexual behaviors that they hide, minimize, or refuse to address.
☐ 15. They use God, the Bible, church teaching, submission, or spiritual authority to control you.
☐ 16. They constantly speak disrespectfully about former girlfriends/boyfriends or spouses and portray themselves as the innocent victim in every relationship.
☐ 17. They treat people badly when there is nothing to gain from treating them well.
☐ 18. They rush the relationship and pressure you toward commitment before you truly know each other.
☐ 19. Trusted people who know you well repeatedly express serious concerns about the relationship.
☐ 20. You continually find yourself making excuses for behavior you know isn’t healthy.
One Important Principle
Don’t marry someone’s potential. Pay attention to their patterns.
Everyone has weaknesses, bad days, mistakes, and areas where they need to grow. The question isn’t, “Is this person perfect?” No one is.
A better question is: “When this person’s weakness shows up, do they acknowledge it, take responsibility for it, and work toward change—or do they deny it, excuse it, blame others, and expect me to live with it?”
Dating is not just about deciding whether you love someone. It is also the time to discover who they are when they’re disappointed, angry, stressed, tempted, tired, broke, corrected, told no, or unable to get their way.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
